Handwriting Analysis

I like to collect odd little facts that I think will come in handy some day. These little nuggets of knowledge aren't helpful in the sense that they'll help me beat my husband at Trivial Pursuit (he knows more trivia than anyone I've ever met). Nope, these little nuggets of knowledge are generally the sort that will keep me alive if I ever find myself in a situation where such knowledge might be useful. I'll provide a few here in case they turn out to be helpful for any of you.

• During the French Revolution, aristocrats who dressed up like peasants were caught when soldiers examined their hands. They were too soft and pretty for peasants. So if you ever find yourself in a revolution in which the rich are being carted off to the chopping block, be sure to build up some calluses on your hands and chip a few fingernails, unless, of course, you already have plenty of calluses.
• During World War II, American spies were frequently caught by the Germans when they ate like an American. That is, they used the same hand to hold their knife when they were cutting and their fork when they were eating. A true German (or so I've been told, since I've never actually been to Germany) eats with her knife in one hand and her fork in the other and never puts her cutlery down until she is done eating. So if you're going spy on Germans, learn to eat like one.
• And, if someone is stalking you, and one day you come home to find that they're in your house ,and they are planning to tie you up and take you somewhere else where they will do horrible things to you, pray that someone calls. And then when they do, and after you've convinced your stalker that you must answer the phone or his terrible plans will be discovered, answer all your caller's questions with non-sequiturs. If the person on the other end is smart, and if they saw the same Sally Jesse Raphael episode I watched as a kid, they'll know that your stalker is there trying to kidnap you and call the police for you.

I also heard once that when writing your senator or congress-person, they take a handwritten letter much more seriously than an email or even a typed letter. Since this is the only scenario I've actually found relevant to my life, I decided to try this little factoid out this past May when I wrote to Senator Feinstein and Senator Boxer. Because I'm paranoid about misspelled words, and I don't actually like writing letters by hand, I composed one in Word, and then I copied it in my own handwriting. I knew I probably wouldn't have much luck convincing them, but maybe the handwriting would work.

Well, it didn't. I asked them to support an amendment and neither did. I was a bit bummed to discover that my handwriting wasn't as powerful a tool of persuasion as I hoped. Admittedly my letter was also rhetorically weak. But then yesterday I got a letter from Dianne Feinstein, thanking me for my letter and explaining why she voted as she did. This was the part that most impressed me: "While we probably will not change each other's minds on this amendment, I hope we can still have a dialogue and find common ground on issues where we do agree." Sure, it was a form letter, but still. I was also impressed by the fact that there's no stamp on the envelope, just her signature where a stamp would go. Now that's convenience! I wish I could just sign my envelopes. Anyway, I've never received a letter from a senator before (maybe because I've never written a senator before either). But I've come to the conclusion that my handwritten letter was a bit more influential than I thought. After all, Dan just emailed the senators and he has yet to receive a letter in the mail. Na na nuh na na!