Is This What the Rack Feels Like?

I'm noticing that my blog entry titles seem to have a dark theme lately. It's got to be stress from my thesis. A week and a half ago I got the go ahead from my advisor to send all 108 pages off to my thesis committee, and I've been waiting on pins and needles ever since to see what they'll have to say. You see, I'm a major control freak. I feel better knowing than not knowing, and sometimes I'm sort of a pessimist with low self-confidence . I'm almost panic stricken that one of the professors will tell me I completely ignored a major point outlined in my introduction or prospectus. I feel like I'm waiting for the ax to fall, and I've been tense and crabby all week.

And to some extent my worst fears were realized when I heard a rumor that one of my committee members is famous for suggesting lots of changes. On the one hand, I appreciate the warning because otherwise I probably would have had a heart attack if I, unwarned, received a lengthy email with several changes, especially after my advisor had very few changes to recommend. But it also makes the wait all the more agonizing.

Then this morning I learned that one of my committee members won't be able to get me feedback before May 31, exactly two weeks before my proposed defense date. I've given myself enough space before the official deadline, so it shouldn't be a problem to move my defense back a couple days. But to a control freak, such news is a bit disconcerting (more like extremely disturbing, even if it's completely reasonable on the part of the professor). In fact it was almost enough to give me that aforementioned heart attack. After taking several deep breaths, I think I've come to grips with the change in my situation--I'll just try to push back my defense date a few days--but a whole lot of that fatty dark chocolate and some all-natural goodies might do a better job of calming me down. And yes, I know I'm overreacting, but that knowledge doesn't help me quite as much as a candy bar would.