Lately I've been nothing less than ravenous, especially in the morning. Monday evening I ate five of the six servings in a bag of pita chips and then I ate dinner. Tuesday I was so hungry I ate most of my lunch before ten. Then I dug out an old cup of Dinty Moore beef stew I've been carrying around in my glove box in case of a lunch emergency. According to the date on the bottom of the can, it wasn't set to expire for another three months or so, but after eating it, I'd recommend that you eat that stuff a year or two before the expiration date, if at all.
Who knows why I've been so hungry lately. You might say that my body knows it's fall and it's time to put on an extra layer of fat for the coming winter. Or call it stress. Just don't suggest that I might be pregnant.
Over the years I've experienced one symptom of pregnancy after another--irritability, weepiness, increased appetite, exhaustion, even weight gain--and I've never been pregnant. Many times I've seen such less than positive behavior as a possible sign of pregnancy. Then my period shows up and not only am I extra disappointed for getting my hopes up in the first place, but I also realize that I have no good excuse for my bad behavior. Monthly, for the past several years, I've had to come to grips with the fact that I am naturally mean, overweight, stressed out, or overly emotional.
Okay, so maybe PMS is occasionally the source of my woes, but I figure since I'm likely to have PMS every month for a few more years yet, for my sake and the sake of everyone around me, I had better learn to deal with it. If I've learned anything throughout these years of infertility, it's that a swollen belly will likely you earn you some sympathetic tolerance for your behavior, but declaring my PMS status doesn't create quite the same effect.
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5 comments:
Well, first of all, I don't think you can classify your behavior as "bad." Eating is great - even overeating! And you are not a mean person! :)
Secondly, I'm with ya on the whole symptoms thing. I still can't quite get it through my head that no, this month is not different, and I am not pregnant! :) Maybe one day I'll learn...
First of all, let's not discount PMS. My PMS cause WAY more problems in my every day life than pregnancy ever has. In fact, PMS has been the trial of my life. It may sound funny to you, since I know how much you'd love to have a baby (and obviously that is a big trial), but the anxiety, depression, and physical pain that came with PMS wreaked havoc in my life that could have destroyed it. I understand what you mean about the futility of it all, though. It's better if these symptoms are working toward something. I just don't want you to feel guilty for having PMS symptoms as if they are all just your attitude, when they are real and so serious--at least for some people. (I only say that because I felt guilty for so long.) I sympathize and sometimes I think it would be nice to have a big signal for PMS like a nice bulging belly, so people could understand or excuse behavior. It's so cruel that pregnancy and PMS have the same symptoms. It messes with your head! Good luck. I hope you feel better.
I know what you are saying. Month after month I would think, oh I must be pregnant because I have ... and then nothing. It was weird. But I can say that the months I have been pregnant I did not have any of the "symptoms" at all in the beginning. So maybe if you get none of those you might be on to something. I would get so mad. Especially because if you are having all those horrible "side effects" you at least want there to be a reason! Hope you feel better and I will take note on the ole soup situation!
I love reading your blog! Always so clever!
I cried earlier today because my fiance Imed me... which meant he still loves me... even thought I had not heard from him in a whole 18 hours...
I know what you talk!
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